Mid Life Awakening
In my last blog post, I wrote about honoring our seasons of contraction. And in this writing, I will share an authentic piece of myself, so I can elevate something for all of us women who share this experience. I am calling this Midlife Awakening, as it reverses the stereotypes related to the season of menopause and approaches it from a soul level.
Back to 2021
We can only push things aside for so long before they magnify and find their expression to let us know that they must be addressed in one way or another.
At the end of 2020, I wrote in my journal that I am fully on my path and in my destiny. And I was, and I am. However, within the expansion I had experienced, some unaddressed themes existed.
For most of 2021, I could feel these things slowly making their way to the surface as the world continued on an even worse trajectory than the prior year with no reprieve in sight. So, in the later part of last year, even though I had skated through most of the physical effects of menopause with Energy Work, I found myself in the middle of the emotional impact of it all. The things I had dismissed for a long time were now coming in full force.
For me, this was through my dreams and waking up many mornings with fearful visions and thoughts that seemed more like premonitions. Some of it was related to me and my life, and much of it was about where the world was heading.
It had been about 3 years since I could last visit Germany and see my Mom & Bonus Dad, my family, and friends, and the world felt closed. Having spent much of our lives working, there was so much I still wanted to see, to explore, adventures to be had.
Feelings of vulnerability around our empty nest, readjusting the relationship with my husband, and worries about our precious Bakery with all that had been happening, bubbled up. Much of my identity and joy in life for so many years was about being a mom, homeschooling our kids, and doing things together as our close-knit family unit. With both our boys out of the house and many hours away, that chapter was now completed. It was like a big piece of my purpose here was gone, and left a void in my heart.
My usually expanded 1000 ft view was temporarily reduced to just a few steps in front of me.
“Times of suffering will come, use them to grow into a better version of yourself.
Use the dirt to grow flowers. Let the storm water them. Watch them grow in the sunshine.”
What was I still here to do? With all of the clearing, healing, learning, and growth that I had experienced up until this moment in my life, why was this season showing up?
How could I step into the next level of my evolution from here and be of the highest service? Would I be able to fulfill the vision given to me one morning several years ago in the powerful presence of this sacred feminine energy that poured through me?
How could I hold myself, support my clients and community, and simultaneously begin the journey back to gathering my own strength in the middle of this vulnerable place?
Holding Space for Others through Our Own Challenges
Clearly, this was a new time of contraction. Time to slow down and fully allow this all to process through me, especially if I wanted to emerge from it even stronger, fully embodied, and capable. Time to create spaciousness and not expect to immediately rise from this yet, but explore the depths of what was being presented to me.
With my Human Design as a Generator, it was challenging for me to slow down, as my natural way is always moving forward.
This was a time of finding my footing once again in a different version of myself within a new terrain, as I had never treated these waters of emotions quite like this. It was a time of calibration.
In all of it, the one thing that remained consistent and actually felt like a reprieve was my ability as a Healer. Over time we develop a somatic memory in our physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional bodies with the skills we acquire. And after all the years of being a Spiritual Teacher, Healer, and Hypnotherapist, the ability to be fully present with my clients and channel the high frequencies is always available. It is like an automatic switch that turns on, and my system understands what to do.
In this space I enter my own Sanctuary into Divine Sacredness, fully enveloped, and have the capacity to share it with my clients.
“In life, we need to go through a naked tree season in order to turn nothingness into meaning.”
I was also fully aware of prioritizing what was essential to conserve my energy, set boundaries, and focus on my well-being. I continued nourishing my close relationships, my Beauty Flourishing Collective, and my clients. And I put several projects on hold, including my Divination cards, as it was clearly not the time for them, and they would still be there when I was ready.
Setting Myself Free
I rested more, read and listened to more books (my way of staying in a space of growth within this), nourished myself with delicious vegan foods, massages, acupuncture, and did my yoga practice more regularly. I watched shows on Netflix, and had deep conversations with my husband, bringing us closer together than ever before.
I also started my seeds for the garden, sat and meditated, became consistent again with doing Reiki and other Energy Work for myself, went inward and analyzed, and made room to let go of many fears. Even allowing myself to fail if necessary so that I could completely clear all emotions related to holding on to false expectations and standards was required.
Bringing those things to the surface, recognizing their root, letting them be with compassion, understanding, and love, and finally setting them free became my practice.
I could slowly feel myself moving out of this season and returning to my creativity and the promise to fulfill what I am here to do. It sparked new inspirations, and ideas came pouring through with more clarity.
“But that river isn’t the same for even a fraction of a second. People are equally in flux - I am like that, and so are you. Our thoughts, emotions, molecules are continually changing.”
In the process, I did discover that the desire to please and subconsciously ask permission was lifted from my being, and a sense of freedom took its place.
This whole experience has been the most liberating process from which I powerfully emerged several months ago. It is like when we have the flu, and our body creates antibodies and even more wellness than before settles in.
Stepping into the Next Chapter
Looking back, I know that this was a necessary process, which I honor. It has propelled me to be a stronger leader of Leaders, a wiser teacher of Teachers, and a more powerful healer of Healers. By doing this work for ourselves, we also give others permission to do the same when their time comes.
I notice my messaging evolving as I continue to grow into this new version of myself with more conviction. I want to be there for the women who are ready to explore their depths and free themselves of their stuff and become the influential Leaders, Healers, Teachers, Creatives, and Storytellers they are meant to be.
This is who we are.
This is who you are.
And I will continue to speak to your embodiment of your authentic essence. The world needs you to be present in your fullest potential.
I understand that this growth journey has been about rising to the next chapter and being here to support you. I will meet you wherever you are on your path. It asks of your readiness to commit to yourself and your future, show up in all your facets, and not shy away from the process.
It is time to dance with the edges of our feminine expression!
